I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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