my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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