the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
