she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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