I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
