Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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