I think my fart just growled at me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
