NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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