Im at strip club and am horny
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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