i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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