I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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