Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
