We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
