areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
