Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
