I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
