haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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