You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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