Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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