guys are not supposed to queef...right?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
