I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
