Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
