I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
