OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
