I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
