Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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