things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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