dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
