yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
