Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
