Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
