I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
