Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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