I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
