We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
