Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
