I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
