Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
