That's intense
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
