Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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