Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
