I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
