it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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