You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
