hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
