Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
