Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
