mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
