my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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