I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
